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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

Cartoons about halves.

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Result page:     (12 images)


1. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2019-03-28 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2019-03-28 Pub. Date: 2019-03-28
Image Number: 177028
Caption: Education Secretary Betsy DeVos to cut funds for Special Olympics. Naturally, I feel sorry for those handicapped children. I know what it is to be handicapped. I myself have a handicap. I was born with no heart and only half a brain.
     
2. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-12-24 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-12-24 Pub. Date: 2017-12-24
Image Number: 166525
Caption: From a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. "Oh, Man!" looks here. Look, look, down here!" exclaimed the Ghost. They were a boy and a girl. Yellow, meagre, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread. Scrooge started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude. "Spirit! Are they yours!" Scrooge could say now more. "They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. "Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!" "Have they no refuge or resource!" cried Scrooge. "Are there no prisons!" said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. "Are there no workhouses!"
     
3. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-07-10 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-07-10 Pub. Date: 2017-07-10
Image Number: 160451
Caption: Assad, after nearly half a million killed, agrees to a cease-fire. Cease-fire ... That doesn't mean cease-gas does it? No. Gas. Made in Russia.
     
4. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
5. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-11-13 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-11-13 Pub. Date: 2016-11-13
Image Number: 151218
Caption: Hillary Clinton Gets Over Half a Million More Votes than Trump. See? I told ya it was rigged.
     
6. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-06-06 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-06-06 Pub. Date: 2016-06-06
Image Number: 144442
Caption: Bernie Running Hard in California. Popular Among Young Voters. Bernie! Bernie! … So we have a situation where 40% of the upper 27% of the richest one percent control a larger percentage of the upper half of the nation's wealth resulting in greater opportunity dysfunction since the French and Indiana War ... and by the way ... Wanna see my Bernie tattoo? Bernie! Bernie!
     
7. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-03-08 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-03-08 Pub. Date: 2016-03-08
Image Number: 140394
Caption: President Trump Negotiates With the Terrorists. Ok, Allah will give you 72 virgins? I'll give you 79 … 79 and a half. My final offer. Check supply …
     
8. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-01-23 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-01-23 Pub. Date: 2015-01-23
Image Number: 122302
Caption: Murdoch Did What? So sorry ladies, but Mr. Murdoch has decided that there'll be no more nudes in the sun. We don't need any cheap sex to sell the paper. Unless, of course, any of you knows anything really disgusting about Prince Andrew. Page 3 girls wait here. Notice: No nudes is good nudes. Coke. Takeaway. Sun. Wot? OO? Too bloody right! Not half, izzit?
     
9. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-01-23 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-01-23 Pub. Date: 2014-01-23
Image Number: 106893
Caption: Assad's Friends. It is great to have friends who understand … A hundred thousand dead … half the country in ruins? Russia. Perfectly understandable, nothing we wouldn’t have done. China.
     
10. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-11-29 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-11-29 Pub. Date: 2013-11-29
Image Number: 104755
Caption: Air Pollution in China Cuts Life Span by Five and a Half Years. Well, that's true, but now you are allowed to have two children! You do the math. The solution to pollution is overpopulation. Chinese manufacturers.
     
11. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-10-03 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-10-04 Pub. Date: 2013-10-03
Image Number: 102611
Caption: What They Didn’t Say. WAIT A MINUTE! Why am I helping you raise this flag? You're a dam' democrat and I'm a republican! You're a republican? If I had known that, I would never have started this. Prob'ly some sort of southern goober as well! This will RUIN my political chances back home! I can't be seen cooperating with a bunch of right-wing lunatics! And what are you? You half-a-commie liberal! Next thing you'll want to sing Kum-Bay-Ah!
     
12. Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-06-26 half 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-06-26 Pub. Date: 2012-06-26
Image Number: 82921
Caption: Half Fast and Furious. Eric Holder is the devil! Kiss my AZ.
     
Result page:     (12 images)